Contemplation…it’s making me wait

I’ve come to a decision recently, that may shock some, particularly those who subscribe to the “American Dream”.  As you all know, I was very excited to move into a house.  I let myself float along in the romanticism of it…how wonderful it would be to have my own place, no noise from neighbors, I could paint it whatever colors I wanted, have a garden, a basement, a garage.  It would be my own place, and there would be wonderful holiday gatherings there, memories to be made, and in only 30 short years, haha, it would be mine.

Except for reality has reared its ugly head.  Yes, there are wonderful things about owning a home.  There are also not so nice things.  I live in fear and anxiety, always wondering when something is going to break down (as a homeowner it’s a matter of when, not if).  When there is a huge blizzard I’m the one who has to do snow removal, I have to figure out where to put the 20 bags of leaves that I back-breakingly gather, the mortgage goes up significantly sometimes, even with a fixed-rate mortgage, as happened to me.  When it rains I hold my breath, hoping the basement won’t flood, or the roof leak.  A couple of weeks ago the fridge went out, suddenly and unequivocally, necessitating an emergency run to Sears, and putting it on my credit card, which made me sick, but there wasn’t any other choice.  Not to mention that my house, my humble abode, is small…make that very small.  There’s scarcely room for my family to crowd in, scarcely room for us to gather around the table, or to put up a Christmas tree.  Sure, there’s room for about 10 cars in the driveway, but to fit inside is another story.

Yes, I have loved the outdoor gatherings.  This summer we all ate in the garage (because it was a cool and rainy day, otherwise we’d have been outside), and it was peaceful with the door open, breathing in the fresh air, and observing the beautiful view.  That is something that I like…I have numerous trees in my yard.  One of them is laden with hundreds of apples, waiting for fall’s ripe picking.  I planted rhubarb this summer, and a raspberry bush, long a childhood dream.  My garden is lush and growing.  My neighbors, master gardeners, have grape vines growing on the fence, a golden apple tree by my garage, and a gorgeous lilac bush.  There are beautiful, huge fir trees…one morning a huge hawk startled me by flying out of one, towards the creek, as I walked to the garage in the morning.  Rabbits and squirrels play in my yard, and pigeons come daily to eat the pea gravel from the driveway.  I don’t chase them off as there’s plenty, and they kind of keep me company. 

 

But I still have been thinking about renting again.  If I had stayed in my apartment, the one that I lived in when Seth was a teen, I’d be saving almost $400 a month.  That could be saved, and used on trips, things that I would remember.  Going to visit my sister, going to Fargo for the weekend, maybe even taking a long desired trip to Boston, to see my Aunt and Uncle.  Not to mention it’s worry free!!!!  That’s most of it.  When the refrigerator dies, I’ll just dial a number, and like magic get a new one.  When the roof leaks, or there’s an electrical short, the same.  When it snows a huge amount I can just sit inside and revel in not having to worry about removing it…same goes for leaves, or anything else that I currently worry about in regards to my yard.

So, as you all probably realize by now, I’ve decided to investigate selling my home.  I don’t know if it makes sense to do so at this point…I haven’t owned it for very long, and don’t want to lose a lot of money.  On the other hand, I want to get out before there’s something more I have to replace, besides the refrigerator.  I am hoping that if I include my new snowblower, that it would sweeten the deal.  There are fortunately some apartment complexes, nice, newer ones, that allow cats (as Arnold is much better, thank-you you all for your thoughts regarding him). 

 

Don’t worry, by the way boys, I won’t expect you guys to help me move yet again!  Will be arranging that myself.  I do have wonderful children who have helped me in so many ways, but I don’t want to take advantage of them, and they are all busy in their own lives.

I appreciate, and ask for comments regarding this…am I crazy, or do you see merit in this?  Maybe I’m just a worry wart, wouldn’t be surprised there.  Thank-you for your insight!

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